I wish I didn't have to make so many doctors appointments.
I wish I didn't have to go to the pharmacy so often to pick up my prescription.
I wish I didn't have to worry about forgetting to refill my prescription.
I wish I didn't have to set an alarm to take my medicine at the same time every day.
I wish I didn't have to keep track of my pills every time I leave the house or change purses.
I wish I could leave town for a weekend and only take clothes and a toothbrush instead of my epilepsy necessities.
I wish I didn't have to worry about forgetting to take my medicine.
I wish that 7:00pm meant something fun was happening, not that it was pill time.
I wish I didn't have to worry about following up with my doctor to refill my prescription.
I wish I didn't get anxiety for no reason.
I wish I knew what I was worried about.
I wish I could still say I've never been on prescription dugs.
I wish I didn't get scared every time I have deja vu.
I wish people wouldn't say, "Oh yea, I get anxiety/deja vu/tired too".
I wish I didn't get angry at them for saying things like that, because... no it's not the same.
I wish I didn't feel pretentious for feeling that way.
I wish I wasn't so aware of how I feel. Ignorance is bliss.
I wish I didn't want to nap every day after work.
I wish people didn't think I was lazy for wanting to.
I wish I didn't believe them.
I wish I was more productive and less tired, I want to be everything to the people I love.
I wish people wouldn't say, "my friend has seizures, but his are actually really bad. They're worse than yours". No.
I wish seizures were all the same so we could find an answer more quickly.
I wish I slept better at night.
I wish people wouldn't blame my crying on my medication.
I wish I wouldn't overthink things.
I wish I wasn't so forgetful.
I wish I was more forgiving to myself.
I wish panic attacks were a little more pleasant.
I wish I didn't have to fear losing the privilege of driving.
I wish I wasn't a pain in the ass to the people who drive me around for months everywhere I go when I'm not cleared to drive.
I wish Uber wasn't so expensive.
I wish I didn't fear the process of pregnancy one day.
I wish ambulances arrived as soon as you fall.
I wish ambulances didn't have flashing lights, whats up with that?
I wish emergency rooms weren't so busy.
I wish children never ever had seizures.
I wish grandmas and grandpas who live alone never had seizures.
I wish take home EEGs were a little more stylish.
I wish EEG goo came out of your hair more easily.
I wish I was diagnosed properly at a young age, instead of last year.
I wish to find a cure!
The two photos on the left are of me in the emergency room the day I had my worst seizures. I was going in for blood work after a recent EEG. At the time it was uncertain I even had epilepsy, but moments later we were sure that I did. It was shortly after this picture that I had the worst string of seizures ever, which is why you see me in the emergency room hospital bed (second photo) with my boyfriend Matt. I was moved from the emergency room into a hospital for almost a week. During that time I had multiple seizures that were really scary, I had panic attacks, and plenty of delicious hospital food. I was also hooked up to an EEG the whole time. I'm so grateful to have had Matt, my Mom, Dad, and other family with me during that week.
The picture on the far right is my first EEG, which was the reason I was even in the emergency room getting blood work done that day. If I wasn't in the emergency room when I had that seizure I don't know what I'd do, I'm so thankful for being in the right place at the right time.
While there are many things I wish I could change about the circumstance I'm in, I wouldn't be me if it weren't for my epilepsy. I find myself and others like me to be, among other things, but most importantly sensitive. In a world that needs love and kindness, I think people who have been through hardships understand what that means and what that takes.
I hope this article brings you all the light, love, and comfort you are searching for on your epilepsy journey. If you are a reader without epilepsy I hope you have gained insight into our world and can pass this on to any loved ones and friends!